Saturday, January 8, 2011
I thought I should do this, you know, to welcome the new and shoo the old away, hahaha, but now that I'm starting it, I have mix feelings in continuing so... you see, 2010 was a miss for me, not my year, as in totally. Oh well, life is what we make it, so I'm so not blaming the year, I should blame me but what kind of looser blame themselves, I'd rather put the bulk of it all onto someone's shoulder, I just need to find that someone, hahaha.
Anyways, 2010 started pleasantly, I remember celebrating the new year with my family with lots of food and fireworks, our business also made tons at that time, so it was pretty nice. I guess, the first two months of the last year was the calm before the storm, when March came, I snapped, depression kicked in, and withdrawal from society was my symptom, it was fun being alone and undisturbed in my own world for a while but now that I'm over it, I just made my mess messier, if I could turn back time, I definitely would. I lived for myself for several months, alone in my room with my laptop and paperbacks, I only ate when I feel like I was dying with hunger, I only went to pee and stuff when I can't hold it in anymore, I only took a bath or shower when I'm beginning to itch, I seldom sleep and just for a few hours and I don't talk to people, no conversations, no phone calls, no chats, as in I cut myself from the world, I did talk to my husband and son, once in a while, when I had the urge or I badly needed to. I, basically, created and live in my own small world where there is no problems, no troubles, no pains and tears, no sadness, just me and my fictions and Korean addiction; a world where thinking is not a must, where dwelling on reality is forsaken, some place a coward like me needs to live. I don't intend to give in details the havoc that I run from and the bigger havoc my fleeing caused, but I'm telling you, it is deep shit.
Life is a bitch and it just slapped me with a confrontation, and though I'm trying to get over it, I am still reeling from the fact that I had been bitch slap, I'm not drowning myself in misery here, I'm just really stunned with what life gives, I was unprepared and I suffered and still suffering the consequences of it. Fortunately, I now have my sane head back on my (not so beautiful) body, I will walk this through, and hopefully this year, life won't be as much a bitch as she was last year, come on a little loving from the world will be much appreciated.
So that was 2010 for me, now I'm wishing for a better, brighter, happier 2011...
Cheers to the new year and my new life!
Labels: Personal Stories
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