Monday, April 19, 2010

Behind the Scene

I guess most of you are wondering where in the world had I hidden myself. Did I hibernate under the ground or inside a tree, was I locked up in an asylum or a jail cell, had I been confined in the level 14 (psycho ward) of a hospital, did my husband kicked me out of the house and I became homeless, etc., etc.? Well, your hypotheses might not be as wild as my imagination but don't you think my ideas will work wonder in a drama series *lol*. Actually, what really happened was I lost the urge and will to blog, just like a real novelist or author, our desire to write flame us to work on our blog and when inspiration suddenly left me, I felt like there's no point in blogging anymore, I did plan on leaving the blogosphere for good but after a month and a half, I decided on the contrary. I was a bit depress when I left, and my last few posts can prove that, I needed to take a break to clear my mind and think of what I really want and settle my life priorities, I thought I could do it in a week or two but then I end up doing it in two months time, not that I'm complaining *giggles*. In those two months, I completely gave up on my online life, yes even Facebook *grins*, I willfully separated myself from my world, I didn't talk to anyone, no text messages, no phone conversations, no personal talks, as in I completely disregard everyone in my circle even my husband and son but before I did that, I had a serious talk with my husband and he sincerely understood what I was going through so he supported me all the way, for that I am so thankful though I never said a word (you know pride and everything, hahaha), I haven't fully demolished all the walls that I built through those months but I am slowly trying to, I am really trying to. In those two months all I did was read books and novels that I can get my hands and mind to, I watched all the TV series and movies that caught my fancy in whatever languages they come, I did it cause I had the need to live again, to feel what I'm supposed to be feeling through what I read and watch, I don't know if you can or will understand but that method works for me since I was in high school, the last time I had gone through such an eye-tiring endeavor was in 2005, I guess a five-year difference makes me more normal and not that much of a psycho *grins*. At least, I think I am...

You know what I discover when I was alone in my own world, that it was okay for me to leave like that indefinitely, am I scary or what? Imagine me, willing to let go of my current life for a small lonely world where only me and those imaginary books, TV and movie plots and characters live, ain't that sad? And people always thought that I have a great life, I smile and laugh but deep inside I am not happy, actually I am that sad and disillusioned that I am willing to give up everything, that I am willing to starve to death, to not sleep, to not take a bath, to not communicate with anyone, to leave behind my family just to live and travel my own road, am I pathetic or what? Whatever, I just wanna say what is in my heart...

Of course, I am not as selfish as I want to be, so I am back, I am still on the process of incorporating the old and new me in my old and real world. I am in the process of rebuilding ties and destroying the walls that I built around me, so only I can stay and live in my world. I am in the process of living again and I really, really think that blogging can help me. I don't and will not run away anymore...

Phew... that's a long one. I'll take a breather now, talk to you tomorrow.

I'm Back!!!

I'm back guys! I have been away for almost two months and I miss you all a lot. I miss blogging and everything in, with and around it. It feels good to think and type again *grins*. I'm not saying that I regret taking my badly needed vacation because I enjoyed it a lot and I feel a lot better now so I guess my blogging topics will be a little upbeat and less gloomy from now on *lol. How have you bee peeps? Did you miss me as much as I miss you or you all have forgotten about me *grins*? Anyway, I just wanna proclaim my comeback, I'll write an interesting one (or more of I hope I could) later.

Have a good Monday everyone!

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